One Ringy-Dingy, Two....

Our land line phone was obnoxious--
it had a ringer like an air raid siren.
The phone didn’t have a ringer volume adjustment.
It was so loud it could have caused
a stampede of elephants.


I detested it with a passion, and even more so when
telemarketers would call me during the evening.
My trick, finally, was to ask if they’d mind holding
for a moment , someone’s at the door…
I’d just go back to what I was doing, usually
watching Seinfeld [my Seinfeld moment].
After a minute or so, I’d hear Hello??
then a click.

I got rid of the land line.
Tom and I both got cell phones two years ago.
Weather always knocked out the electricity anyway...

Figuring out how to use the darn thing took awhile;
the user guide could have been written in hieroglyphics.
When your brain is over 60, forget it…
It took me almost two days to find the ring tone options.

Tom’s ringer is a cool Caribbean sound.
He’s not into reggae--more like the 1812 Overture…
The ring tones for my phone are far out,
modern, jazzy tones.

I chose one called Chill.
Not too bad; not too good, either…
Maybe I’ll download Jimmy Buffett’s
Margaritaville again, or the Beach Boys California Girls--
both music tones drove Paul nuts when I had them
on my blitzed phone.

On a dark and stormy night a couple of weeks ago,
I woke Tom and Paul up with a top-of-my-lungs scream.
It was almost 1 a.m.
I’d had a horrible nightmare, and was bashing Tom
like a crazy woman.
Now that scream would have made a great
ring tone for Halloween…