On The Road to 100...

*Avoid laughing or sneezing too hard

*Avoid ice rinks during hot flashes.

*Double-dipped ice cream means it’s on your second chin.

*Orthopedic problems means you can’t find your orthopedic shoes.

*You know you’re older when your boobs become air-flotation devices.

*You know you’re getting older when you buy cellophaned packs of cotton underwear.

*The most excitement to cause a sweat is moving the furniture around.

*When barbecuing meant grilling meat and not your husband.

*Going for a ride means slipping on a wet floor.

*Losing it means taking a pair of boxers to a store to see if you can still find the same style. Only Omar the Tent Maker knows where to get them.

*Eating bread pudding because you lost your upper set of dentures on vacation.

*When romance novels start curling at the edges.

*You’re getting older when you play thermostat tag with your husband.

*You’re getting older when your mail includes brochures from funeral parlors.

*You’re getting older when the “miracle creams” refuse to work any more.

*Your idea of staying up is making it to 9:30.

*When you try tuning in to a program that’s been canceled for the last 5 years.

*You acquire a taste for Godiva chocolates and looser clothes.

*When people start referring to you as “sir”.

*When you do housework in the nude and you accidentally vacuum a boob.

*When you mistake drooling for a middle of the night passionate kiss.

*When you’re pantyhose only reaches your kneecaps.

*When your moods swing more than you.

Sunny Side Up...

Today's my birthday.
I don't feel 62.
I think I have the 'think young, feel young gene'.
My husband tells me “You're getting up there.”
Up where?
Age, to me, is a matter of brain matter.
If you think you're old, you're going to feel that way, and act he same.

I have a good friend Mary, in California.
When Mary was in her early fifties, she started wearing elastic waist pants.
She wore them because she'd put on a few pounds.
Mary laughed , said she was getting old.
I looked at her pretty face and realized she'd given up on wearing a little makeup, too.
“Too much trouble everyday,” she informed me.

It's never too late to make some changes, so I encouraged Mary to adopt a few.
She tossed out the cheesecake desserts, and the salted chips.
She lost a little weight too, and started feeling better.
Mary got involved with a senior group, taking trips to the Nevada casinos,
or day long trips to San Francisco.
Her outlook on life improved.

I may be getting 'up there', but my mind and body doesn't know it.
Not one to be a couch potato, I get out for daily walks.
I exercise everyday—I really don't enjoy it that much, but I push myself.
People say 'I eat like a bird.'
I like healthy salads, fish, chicken ,nuts, and fruit; I drink plenty of water.
If I fall into the pattern of feeling old, I'm afraid my
body will pick up on that, and decide to give me assorted aches and pains.

Sure, there may be days that I feel like spitting tacks,
when the day may not be going quite right.
I blame it on bio-rhythm--sounds like a good excuse.
I realize that if I put my thoughts and efforts on something else, small problems seem to dissolve.

I have many interests to keep me active and busy.
There's no time for negative thoughts.
I love to write, and I paint--not as often as I should.
I have to wait for inspired moments.
Photography is what I'm passionate about.
I love the creativity photography evokes.

Humor is the best ingredient for a long life, too.
My mom was young at heart, a real character.
She gave me her wonderful sense of humor.
We had great times together, always laughing until our sides split.
It's one of the things that I miss the most, now.
Every day I keep mom in my thoughts.
It's also what keeps me feeling young.

Gals Only...

Have you ever wondered, gals, what would happen if your bra didn't live up to its claim?
What about the 24-hour bra? I'm not even awake 18 hours!
Is there a refueling nozzle on it?
If I try to push my bra's life past its limit, all I get are skid marks..
People are living to their 90's and beyond--
my bras don't last more that a few months--a year if I'm lucky.

What about 'water bras'? Do they come with fish?
Are they good flotation devices?
Mine would come with Piranhas or fighting Bettas.

What about the 'miracle' bra?
Young gals don't know if it's a miracle or not.
Everything is pretty much pointing in the right direction, no worries there.

I'm waiting for the bra packed with Helium—
one that will float me away to Bali...