Menu Madness...

It’s getting harder and harder to figure
out something different to cook for dinner.
I have volumes of cookbooks--too many, having
worked at Border’s bookstore a few years ago.

My meal wheel has been rotating around
a handful of dishes: Spaghetti with Publix
meatballs [I used to make them], roasted
pork loin with pecans, my version of California
Pizza Kitchen’s barbecued chicken pizza,
fish, pot roast and meatloaf. These dishes are
good for the wintry evenings we’ve been having.

When it begins warming up again, and especially
during the humid, hot summer months, I'll keep
the oven off, and the menu gets paired down
to lighter fare, like stir fries, and chicken with
Sweet Baby Ray’s Original BBQ Sauce that I
can cook in the small convection oven.

I was thinking who I’d want to be marooned with
on a desert island. I choose Colin Ogg, recipe diviner.
I’m sure he’d make something interesting and
unusual given his clever cooking ability.

So, this morning, I’m wondering what to plan for dinner…
I know! Colin’s Sloppy Joe’s:
http://ifyancancookyoucantoo.blogspot.com/2010/01/sloppy-sloppyokay-joes.html mmmm, good.

"Excuse Me, But..."

Embarrassing moments. We’ve all had them.
I remember an incident at Saint Monica High School.
I was participating in an awards ceremony, and I
was waiting off stage with some other girls.
My name was called eventually to receive a religious honor.

I was petrified.
My legs were glued to the ground beneath me and
my feet wouldn’t move forward. I very gawkily forced
my white buck uniform shoes to move across the stage.
I think I blushed every shade of red during those moments.

Another time was on a flight to New Zealand.
There had been a long, dancing line to use the bathroom.
When I eventually went in and came out, I was
walking to my seat--unspooling almost the entire
roll of sub grade toilet paper which had somehow stuck
to the edge on my clothing…

A handsome male passenger alerted me.
I looked back to see that I’d left a runner of at least
20 feet along the length of the aisle.
What could I do but laugh at myself!
I’m sure that most of the passengers were too
embarrassed to initially bring it to my attention.

There have been times while on a dinner date before
I was married, that I had something wedged between
my front teeth. I tried for what seemed like endless minutes
to force it out--all the while holding my one hand coyly
in front of my mouth. I finally tugged it out, and felt safe
enough to withdraw my hand and smile across the table
at my date. He sweetly told me,
“You have something stuck in your teeth…”

Why is it that one never forgets those Kodak moments,
but birthdays and other important things float out of one’s brain?

Ducking Out....

Paul and I are attempting to train Cruiser,
resident duck, to ‘do its thing’ on the grass.
Cruiser’s favorite spot is right behind Paul’s
truck--specifically under it.

We chase her from the garage with a push broom.
She snorts at us as she's flapping off...
It would be nice if said pooper would help
with fertilizing the lawn.
It’s the least the mooching duck could do.
She leaves her molting feathers everywhere.

Paul would love to train Cruiser to mow the lawn.
It’s a tough job on these hot, 97 degree days.
Rain makes the lawn grows twice as long, and fast--
mowing it almost twice every nine days is a nightmare.
Weeds poke through and defy any treatment we use.

I’m thinking about getting a goat…

Adaptation...

I watched my teacher friend,"Mark", have a heart attack
yesterday. He texted me Help. Very sick. Library.
When I arrived, Mark was sweating profusely.
He was wired up to an EKG machine.
Mark was promptly wheeled out by EMS and taken
to the hospital. I assured him that I'd meet him in
Emergency and not to worry.

I took his cell phone and called his son.
Without a car recently, I told Mark's son that I'd
get his dad admitted to the hospital.

Mark's in ICU after heart surgery.
He was looking forward to three job interviews this week
for new teaching positions in Tampa, Tarpon Springs
and St. Petersberg.
Each university is highly interested in Mark.

Seeing my friend fall ill is a wake up call to
modify one's lifestyle.
Mark played tennis occasionally with his son,
that being his only exercise.
I doubt if his eating habits were very good.

Events like this motivate a person to make positive
changes in health and relationships with family and God.

Clouds To Rainbows...

Quit while you're ahead.
How many times have you heard that saying?
I've heard it a few times.

Husbands are often anxious about new enterprises--
they can see the money floating away on something
that they have no control over.
They expect some immediate success--
quit while you're ahead is their motto.

An agreeable amount of time and effort has to
be devoted to what you believe in and love to do--
but why spend more money continuing with a project
that doesn't seem to be paying off?

Most recently I gave up a website.
It was a Pro Account that allowed me to exhibit
and sell my photographs.
My decision to drop the account didn't mean
that I gave up.
I'd rather pocket the annual $149 site fee and use
it for my equipment or enlargements.

I'm working on a new gallery website.
No fee is involved other than a low percent,
per item sold, transaction fee via PayPal.

The downward economy has forced many of us to
reevaluate our options.
Positive changes bring on revitalization.
I'm pumped up and ready to give myself another go.

Attack of The Cell Phone Monster

Cell phones are invaluable when something
arises, like a car breakdown.
What’s lacking, though, is durability.
Why can’t every cell phone have waterproofed seals?

If a few drops of water hit the contacts, Zap!
Submerging my cell recently in a bowl of rice could
not revive it.
Absolutely frustrating, so I bought another phone.

I don’t take the cell outside by the pool anymore.
A few water droplets from my swimsuit dripped onto
the phone a couple of weeks ago.
It was like I’d sent it over Niagara Falls--
electrocuted itself, big time.

I’m certain the manufacturers don’t want
to build longevity into the cell phones.
The phones are all electric-chair worthy.
”Hey folks! There’s a hot new phone called
The Alcatraz Special--comes in cold steel gray and
guaranteed to be a sizzler at 12:01 a.m..”

People should also have cell phone etiquette.
I’d love it if cells came with a universal remote
so other people’s phones could be temporarily
de-activated.

Phones go off at the most inappropriate times:
in church and at the movies.
In a darkened movie theater, people text.
All the cell phones flickering on and off
during the movie looks like a lightning
bug convention.

Most phones have obnoxious ring tones.
My other phone had weird synthesizer tones--
always sounded like a call originating from Planet X.
I downloaded Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville--
really drove my family nuts!

An irksome thing is when a call recipient talks so loudly--
I get a first hand account of their ‘business‘.
Private matters should be kept private, and voices
should be lowered when talking around other people.

People talk as if they're deaf.
I’ve heard everything from divorce talk to Uncle Ned’s
prostate surgery.
I probably would’ve worn out the remote by now.

Altered States

Nothing much has happened with Florida's weather
this summer--it's been hotter than a witch's
butt these days. The National Hurricane Center
forecasts a "near normal" hurricane season for
the Atlantic, with a 25% chance of above-normal
outbreaks and 25% chance of below-normal outbreaks;
overall, forecasters expressed a greater degree of
uncertainty this year than they have in past years.
NOAA predicts a 70% chance of the following:

• Named storms: 9-14
• Hurricanes: 4-7
• Major hurricanes: 1-3

When we first arrived in Naples as new residents,
the thunderstorms came like clockwork nearly
every afternoon--tremendous "crackers".
The storms were so terrifyingly exciting, we
filmed them.
We looked forward to the skyward electrical displays.

I also kept a hurricane diary.
In August of 2004, we had our first hurricane.
Charley was frightening. Talk about Friday the 13th!
Paul and I watched the leading bands creep
up from the south until the early morning hours.
It was eerie and heart palpitating.

Charley finally hit with a force around
1:25 p.m., uprooting two trees from our front yard.
The back yard and the street was a lake.

We've been through at least 4 hurricanes
since Charley; the last two years have
been very quiet, except for a few tropical
downpours.
The weather has definitely changed, not only
in Florida, but in so many other regions of the country.

I'm looking out from the top floor window in the
Books-A-Million bookstore.
The gulf side is dark with a few lightning streaks.
Looks like rain may be coming after all.

I'm From Venus, Tom's From Mars...

Cereal crumbs settle at the bottom of a cereal box--
a lot like married couples who’ve lived together for years.
Couples let it all hang out and soon peculiarities and
odd habits are revealed.

Everything has settled after 37 years. One gets used to being
married and sort of lets their hair down.
Sometimes, too much.

Over the years quirks and habits become a part
of everyday living. I’ve gotten used to towels being
strewn about the bath room, and the foyer being used as
a pit stop for his beach gear and work clothes.
Tom likes his stuff accessible.
We could move the “pot” into the room, too!
The clutter gets quickly picked up when neighbors
or family pop in.

I keep some of my artist equipment by the bed on my
side of the bedroom: An easel and a storage drawer unit.
I keep on top of it so it doesn’t get in the way.
My walk-in closet is another storage area for my photo
equipment and supplies.
I’m pretty neat, always stowing things back where they belong.

Granted, nothing stays the same--except my weight.
I’m only 7 pounds over from the day Tom married me.
I still have a full head of hair. Tom’s pants slink off
his shrinking waistline.
His diet is pretty healthy, though something calorie-filled
wouldn’t hurt him in the least.
I fondly remember when he used to eat cookies and birthday cake.
I try to avoid sweets, except for my once a week
guava danish I get from Whole Foods.

After two kids and a long marriage, gravitationally, things will settle…
the ladies out in cyber-land know what from where I speak.
Doing housework almost naked is an attractive option,
especially in hot and humid Florida.
I wear a swimsuit so I don't scare the dust bunnies...

On The Road to 100...

*Avoid laughing or sneezing too hard

*Avoid ice rinks during hot flashes.

*Double-dipped ice cream means it’s on your second chin.

*Orthopedic problems means you can’t find your orthopedic shoes.

*You know you’re older when your boobs become air-flotation devices.

*You know you’re getting older when you buy cellophaned packs of cotton underwear.

*The most excitement to cause a sweat is moving the furniture around.

*When barbecuing meant grilling meat and not your husband.

*Going for a ride means slipping on a wet floor.

*Losing it means taking a pair of boxers to a store to see if you can still find the same style. Only Omar the Tent Maker knows where to get them.

*Eating bread pudding because you lost your upper set of dentures on vacation.

*When romance novels start curling at the edges.

*You’re getting older when you play thermostat tag with your husband.

*You’re getting older when your mail includes brochures from funeral parlors.

*You’re getting older when the “miracle creams” refuse to work any more.

*Your idea of staying up is making it to 9:30.

*When you try tuning in to a program that’s been canceled for the last 5 years.

*You acquire a taste for Godiva chocolates and looser clothes.

*When people start referring to you as “sir”.

*When you do housework in the nude and you accidentally vacuum a boob.

*When you mistake drooling for a middle of the night passionate kiss.

*When you’re pantyhose only reaches your kneecaps.

*When your moods swing more than you.

It's To Die For...

I have 2-for-1 quarts of devilishly delicious sugar
free ice cream in my freezer.
I usually don't buy ice cream, or sweets, for that matter.
Paul gives me the evil eye when I open the freezer door.
“Shame on you, Mom--don’t eat that stuff.”
He’s pinching an ever-so-slight bit of my waistline.

Doesn’t that make you want to eat it even more,
with long, enjoyable mouth-watering and melting bitefuls?
it's yummy junk food and tastes good when it's
been so hot.

Paul is right, though. He's lean, tall and muscular,
and thoughtful about what he eats.
Paul goes for raw organic and salt-free peanuts and
sunflower seeds, along with raisins.

You’ll find few goodies in my kitchen cabinets--
that’s because I hide them in my bedroom closet--ha!
I love candy fruit slices. You know the ones with
sprinkled sugar on them? They’re fat free, so that
lamely justifies an occasional indulgence.

Tom’s idea of a snack is pumpernickel bread
with a spread of plain hummus or plain yogurt.
He hasn’t seen a lick of sugar in eons.
Maybe a microscopic amount…
He has great resistance and fortitude when it comes
to his diet.

I figure I had to watch what I ate and drank for
9 months, twice.
I know-- that was back in prehistoric times--
but I’m making up for it now.
Heh-heh...

Ready To Wear?

Recently I saw a gal in her thirties
wearing jeans with carefully designed holes
and rips along the legs and just under the seat.
Her underwear was peeking through.
It looked as though she had tangled with a bull.

I can’t believe that a person would buy
“damaged” clothing--on purpose!
One pair of ripped jeans was $75 on a
department store sale rack.
They were badly faded and stringy.

A few years ago certain jean manufacturers
were buying back used jeans in any condition
for as much as $40 a pair.
I couldn't figure that one out.

In California I had enough problems
with moths eating holes in some of our shirts.
Too bad holey clothes weren’t a fashion trend
at the time.

Tom has a favorite shirt that he wears
almost constantly.
There’s a large hole near the label.
It's heart-shaped.
Maybe it’ll catch on.
He hates to go shopping…

Say Again?

Excuses For Bad Driving:


*There were flies buzzing around my face.

*I didn’t know that was a sidewalk.

*The accelerator got stuck.

*The coffee spilled in my lap.

*I was talking to my wife’s divorce lawyer.

*I was avoiding a turtle crossing the road.

*A Bald Eagle flew in front of the windshield.

*The GPS told me to make a U-Turn.

*I had a sneezing attack and was temporarily blinded.

*I had to take a pill.

*I’m late for my wedding.

*The ice cream melted on the steering wheel and I couldn’t grip it

*The car ahead of me with 20 people was going too slow.

*I didn’t see the Smart Car.

*Driving in the wrong lane: he had his brights on and I couldn’t see.

*I was going to be late for the Early Bird Specials.

*The cap on the beer bottle popped off because of the heat.

*I was plugging in my dvd player.

*My cat started rubbing his claws on my leg.

*I was taking a picture of the alligators.

*The car in front of me said How Am I Driving, so I called him up.

*I just had my eyes dilated.

*I tried to honk, so I had to use my finger.

*The sign in the car window said, Naked man on board

*You can’t ride the shoulder?

Lifestyles Of The Bearly Rich...

Two Thanksgivings ago, a turkey wandered into our
back yard on the edge of the preserve.
Lucky turkey. A neighbor across the street lives
near Heron Lake, which is behind his home.
He’s had Eastern Diamondback snakes
coming from the lake, making their way into his yard,
and he’s fired his rifle at them.

I’m glad that I didn’t tell him about the recent bobcat
and bear sighting in our neighborhood.
The black bear was lumbering up the main entrance
street of our community. Later that day, it was
spotted coming out of the bushes at a busy
intersection about a half-mile away.

There have been numerous bear sightings in
Collier County in the last few months.
Some of the bears seem to prefer the country
club lifestyle, since they’re often sighted around
the resorts on or near the Gulf beaches.

The bear that we’d seen was recently caught in
Naples and transported to the Picayune Preserve.
It wasn’t long before the discriminating bear was seen
in affluent Palm Beach County.

Up, Up And Away...

De-worming the pool is great fun.
After a rainstorm, worms line the pool bottom.
I netted forty-five worms last week.
You can tell my mornings start off with a blast…
It’s a peculiar thing why worms are on the death march.
Don’t they have any sense?
I’ve got to get a life…

Lately, I’ve been going through pictures.
I’ve been thinking about Jen and the great fun
we had on our two Bahamas cruises a few years ago.
The first time I checked out our bathroom,
I wondered how do you flush this thing?
Not only that, but how do you move around in this cabin?

We shared Corona buckets on deck, and
compared notes on our tans.
We frolicked like school girls on the beach,
swinging in beach hammocks.
I haven’t seen Jen for a couple of weeks,
since she’s moved to Key West.

Jen’s been having a grand time.
Her ship has finally arrived.
At least, I sure hope so.
Paul misses Jenny.
They are great friends as well as siblings.
They were fishing pals, too.

We’re expecting tons of rain this week.
I’ve got the worm bucket ready…

And The Heat Goes On...

This morning when I opened the side door leading from
the garage, an at-one-time large frog was squished flat
on the door jamb, like a dollop of pesto sauce.
EWWW…

That’s not the first time something like this
has happened. There’s a collage of frog and spider innards
dried on the jamb. I’m going to clean the doorway today,
or paint over the area if it can't be completely cleaned.
Yuck...

Outside on the pool decking I found two petrified
baby frogs and one lizard.
Poor things.
Sometimes I’ll leave a shallow bowl of water out
for the amphibians and reptiles.
The heat has soared in the last few days, making it
unbearable to be outdoors too long, unless you’re
submerged in a swimming pool.

The snakes are staying underground, thank goodness.
It wasn’t too long ago that I was head on with a
deadly coral snake.
May he Rest In Peace...
There may be an underground public service announcement
warning all snakes to lie low...
Nancy’s out and about.

It’s another beautiful, hot day in paradise.
A gentle breeze is blowing.
The air is desert dry.
I’m sitting on the edge of the pool.
There’s a huge Arnold-type lizard staring at me.
He’s doing push-ups and inflating himself…
Va-vumphh, va-vumphh...

I’m getting a hot flash…!

Honk If You're Lost...!

Some of my friends have car navigation systems.
I’d love to get one, preferably in a car
I can call my own.
The back up cameras are pretty nifty, too.

The first time I needed to drive home late at
night was from an art class at the local Art Center
about 17 miles away.
I’m so used to day driving.
I’d driven the route from the von Liebig
many times, but I was completely turned around.
I must have driven in circles for at least 15 minutes
before finding the correct street back home.
None of the street signs are illuminated by street lamps.
Everything looks different to me at night.

I’m definitely a candidate for a GPS.
My map-reading skills aren’t that great.
The print is too small to read.
I Mapquest now.

Someday, I’ll have a new car and I’ll get
a GPS installed.
With my luck, I’ll probably get a navigation system
that will talk back to me:”I told you to make a left turn…”
Sounds like my husband…

Ba Da Da Dum...

An older gentleman whom I know, Chuck,
told me recently there’s no way that he’ll step
into the Gulf waters for a swim.
His wife loves the water, but not Chuck.
He fears that he may run into Jaws.

In the Gulf, if you swim closer to the shoreline
in clear water then an encounter is somewhat unlikely.
There was a man who was attacked by a shark while
swimming 100 yards out.
Good grief!
Black tip, bull head, and nurse sharks are in the
Gulf waters.
Common sense is the key, here.

One of our first summers in Naples, Jen and I
were swimming a few yards offshore.
We suddenly heard a young boy shouting and crying
that something was biting him.
Sure enough, there were 1” sized jellies floating
near him on the surface and a few had stung him
on the legs and arms.
The jellies looked like wads of spit on the
water's surface.
A suntan product called SafeSea can protect you
from jellies which are found in Florida waters
certain times of the year.
That was the first time I’d seen jellies.

I’ve been knee deep in the water and I’ve
seen pods of 50 or more stingrays swimming
up the gulf, close to the water’s edge.
While most people ran out of the water back
to the beach, I stood watching the rays pass by,
flapping through and around my legs.
It was like getting slapped with rubber tires.

Another time, some people started hollering out to
swimmers to get out of the water!
I know my fins, and knew that what they thought were
sharks were dolphins swimming along the shoreline.
If I were in California or Australia I’d be more
afraid of what might be lurking in the water.

At Bahia Honda in the Florida Keys, Paul, Jen
and I were walking through the shallow waters,
stepping lightly, avoiding walking over the coral reefs.
Paul felt something batting against his leg.
Looking down he saw a fish that looked mad.
The little fighter was trying to push Paul away from his reef.
No way did the fish want us around!

At Hanauma Bay, on Oahu, Jen and I were snorkeling.
I was quickly bashed against my silicone mask, pain
shooting through my face.
My nose was slightly fractured and I had a black eye.
The offending source of the attack was a Japanese man
who had whacked me while he was snorkeling next to me.

He started laughing when he looked at me.
He and his companion were pointing at me, calling me
“Fishy Face”…
Funny…Benihahaha…
I rose out of the water.
I wanted to snap his skimpy weiner suit back, sending him
flying across the Pacific Ocean.
People are dangerous, too!

If you want to play it safe I suggest grabbing your rubber ducky and head for the bathtub…

Going Once...

I'm after ants, again.
Not your typical black ant, but swirly ants,

better known as sugar or crazy ants.

They're nearly microscopic.

And nuts!

They swirl around like Whirling Dervishes.

Jen made the mistake of leaving a half-finished

soda can in her car. The next day, I think every

crazy ant in Naples was feasting on Coke.

Daisy, our lovebird, enjoys a tropical seed mix.

She's kept in the lanai during the day.

By evening, much of her seed has scattered

from her cage to the decking.

Daisy is an enthusiastic eater.

The seed attracts scores of crazies.

It's an ongoing battle.

There doesn't seem to be an insect or reptile

alive willing to help me eliminate the ant problem.

The lizards are bug-specific.

So are the tree frogs.

Not interested.

These ants are indeed crazy.

They're even attracted to dried glue--dried anything.

They've strayed into my old pc a few times.

What on earth could they possibly find in there?

Yes, I think ants were put on earth to drive us crazy.

Too bad some research program can't use them.

How about the Space Program ?

Maybe the ants could be put in orbit.

What about Cyberspace?

Maybe I can sell the ants on Ebay...

*No new Blog on Monday.

Rock On..!

Everything is done on the fly, it seems.

Some people shave and eat while driving.

Bluetoothed drivers, whose laptops are perched

on the console, are hitting the roads.

It's a get it done world.

What did primitive man do?

Yorg had real problems.

Imagine trying to start a fire.

No matches for him.

Sticks and stones were rubbed together for heaven

knows how long, before Yorg blew his top.

His nagging wife, Yakk, banished him to the

wild more than once when he had his fits,

to hunt for some horned creature.

What about communication?

Yorg had a leather pouch filled with stones.

If he wanted to call up a fellow caveman, he'd sling

a few stones, whacking his friend upside the head.

Travel was tough, too.

Poor Yorg spent hours bashing and honing the edges

of a boulder until it would roll.

That eventually became a useful device, especially when he

finally figured out how to get a donut hole in the center.

And most enjoyable, too--when he put Yakk

in the middle and sent her rolling along ...

On The Road Again...

I noticed a new pet shop the other day specializing

in exotic and unusual animals.

It wasn't too long ago that a Burmese Python exploded

from ingesting an alligator.

Within the Everglades National Park there is an

approximate python population of 30,000.

A few years ago, my daughter Jen was kayak fishing

in the 10,000 Islands, just southeast of Naples, FL.

She hooked into what she thought was a huge fish--until she

brought it up. Jen had snagged a Burmese Python.

It had a girth of at least 20". I can imagine its length!

She cut the line and let it drift off.

Pythons have been found inside of small airport hangars,

suddenly frightening whoever was inside.

Iguanas, purchased when small , are often released into

the wild when they get too big.

There is a growing iguana population in Southwest Florida.

Sanibel and Captiva have a few reptiles wandering around.

The 6' plus iguanas find their way into back yards.

Just recently, I happened to see a small iguana running

inside of our community.

He was headed for the Clubhouse.

I wondered who was was splashing in the pool after dark...