The Wise-Acre Lounge...

There are a lot of good intentions about health
and other issues that sometimes get sidelined,
or slightly altered from concept to delivery.

For instance:

1- To maintain good health, one should have
plenty of fruits and veggies every day.
Let’s see, I ate part of a water-logged avocado,
some grapes that tasted like a dose of medicine,
and a banana I could have used for a door-stop.

2- Everyone is supposed to drink 8 glasses
of water a day.
Yeah, if you hook up a hose to your waistband,
and put the toilet in the living room…

3- Get 8 hours of sleep every night.
Yeah, sure, after having 8 glasses of water that day…

4- Exercise every day.
My hosiery runs more than I do…
I’ve bought exercise equipment that eventually
just sat unused-- the pieces robotically
fused together into patio furniture.

5- I’ve bought several Chicken Soup For The Soul books.
How about Chocolate Truffles for the Chocolate Deprived?

6- I thought I’d try a veggie burger--it was great
after I loaded it with water-logged avocado, stringy
onion fries, and a spongy tomato.

7 -I’d love to have a guava jelly donut from
Whole Foods--that’s fruit, right?

8- I bought a pair of workout shoes.
I wore them to the fitness room twice-
they didn’t work out that great.

9- I also bought some Dri-Fit workout clothes,
made in the Arab Emirates.
Who’d they test them on, some dried up dromedaries?

10- Abiding by a meatless diet is a good idea…
Until I get the Caveman instinct to swing
a club at a juicy side of beef…

11- Uno Chicago Grill has a new snack menu
to die for: The Short Rib Slider, make that 2,
was delicious.
I followed it up with a huge salad when I got home.

12- I’ve come to the conclusion to kick it
up a notch, do more of the good stuff.
After all, I’m getting older.
When my next birthday rolls around, I’ll take it
as a grain of proverbial salt; stonewall it,
or rim my Mango Margarita glass…

Food A Salt...

I’ve been making a noble attempt at checking
food labels before I buy anything.
Paul and Tom are also careful about what they eat.
They have cut way down on things they used to have
more often, like deli meat sandwiches.
Sodium is the big decision breaker--and the first
thing I look at on a food label.

Why is there so much sodium in food?
The shelf life must be 100 years…
If salt could prolong human longevity, by now,
I figure I 've got a good shot at living until I’m 300.

Soup always tips the sodium scale.
I ‘X’ it off my list.
Occasionally, a TV dinner comes in handy, but TV
dinners are loaded with sodium--even those which
are supposedly healthier for you.
One dinner had 2300 mg.-- good grief,
can you imagine the size of the salt shakers?
Some little lady at the food company must use a
hose to spray all the salt on the dinners…


Grocery shopping takes me longer, but I figure
I’m saving quite a bit since my cart is mostly empty
except for salad fixings, Tilapia, fruit, soymilk,
unsalted butter, fruit juice jam and unsalted sprouted
wheat bread; also, trans-fat free Voortman dark chocolate
chip cookies, Shredded Wheat and Uncle Sam cereals.

Sounds like an exciting cart round up.
As I wait in the Express line, there’s a bulging
cart that’s been allowed, waiting in front of me.
Everything known in the artificial food world is in that cart.
By the time I reach the cashier, she smiles and says,
” You and your husband don’t buy much…”
I’m thinking, thank God…

It's To Die For...

I have 2-for-1 quarts of devilishly delicious sugar
free ice cream in my freezer.
I usually don't buy ice cream, or sweets, for that matter.
Paul gives me the evil eye when I open the freezer door.
“Shame on you, Mom--don’t eat that stuff.”
He’s pinching an ever-so-slight bit of my waistline.

Doesn’t that make you want to eat it even more,
with long, enjoyable mouth-watering and melting bitefuls?
it's yummy junk food and tastes good when it's
been so hot.

Paul is right, though. He's lean, tall and muscular,
and thoughtful about what he eats.
Paul goes for raw organic and salt-free peanuts and
sunflower seeds, along with raisins.

You’ll find few goodies in my kitchen cabinets--
that’s because I hide them in my bedroom closet--ha!
I love candy fruit slices. You know the ones with
sprinkled sugar on them? They’re fat free, so that
lamely justifies an occasional indulgence.

Tom’s idea of a snack is pumpernickel bread
with a spread of plain hummus or plain yogurt.
He hasn’t seen a lick of sugar in eons.
Maybe a microscopic amount…
He has great resistance and fortitude when it comes
to his diet.

I figure I had to watch what I ate and drank for
9 months, twice.
I know-- that was back in prehistoric times--
but I’m making up for it now.
Heh-heh...