Smile...!

Speed Traps. Photo enforced red lights.
These are things which drive the average
motorist nuts--even good drivers.

Most everyone, except law-abiding, hat-wearing
senior citizens, exceed the speed limit.
Drivers in a rush zip around those elderly
drivers, hardly ever honking at them.

I usually drive in Sunday mode: Relaxed, often
waiting patiently for the local egret to cross
the street corner .
If at all, I’m usually over by 5 m.p.h. to keep up
with the flow of traffic.

Our city has installed photo enforcement at
most major intersections.
It’s a tricky thing.
Your car will be flashed if your corner-turn stop
isn’t long enough.
I stop for at least 5 seconds. No tickets for me.

Green to yellow is dicey.
Naples intersections are wide--a nervous anxiety
overwhelms me when the green light has been on
for awhile, and my car is still a couple hundred yards
from the signal.

Do I slow down, anticipating the change, or
boost the speed to make the light?
The car behind me might decide that kissing
my car bumper will excite me enough to quickly
cross the intersection.

Many drivers act as though they’re driving in
the middle of no-man’s land, or the Autobahn.
Speed of light doesn’t register on the radar detectors…
warp speed is for test pilots or the Space Shuttle.

I think some drivers are Starbucked to the gills--
cranked up and ready to shred the highways…
Maybe I should wear a hat while I’m driving...

Say Again?

Excuses For Bad Driving:


*There were flies buzzing around my face.

*I didn’t know that was a sidewalk.

*The accelerator got stuck.

*The coffee spilled in my lap.

*I was talking to my wife’s divorce lawyer.

*I was avoiding a turtle crossing the road.

*A Bald Eagle flew in front of the windshield.

*The GPS told me to make a U-Turn.

*I had a sneezing attack and was temporarily blinded.

*I had to take a pill.

*I’m late for my wedding.

*The ice cream melted on the steering wheel and I couldn’t grip it

*The car ahead of me with 20 people was going too slow.

*I didn’t see the Smart Car.

*Driving in the wrong lane: he had his brights on and I couldn’t see.

*I was going to be late for the Early Bird Specials.

*The cap on the beer bottle popped off because of the heat.

*I was plugging in my dvd player.

*My cat started rubbing his claws on my leg.

*I was taking a picture of the alligators.

*The car in front of me said How Am I Driving, so I called him up.

*I just had my eyes dilated.

*I tried to honk, so I had to use my finger.

*The sign in the car window said, Naked man on board

*You can’t ride the shoulder?