It’s that time of year again when craziness descends in the form of two-legged, pushing and shoving humanoids, who have just squeezed into the last known mall parking space on the face of the earth.
Beam me up! Now, please, before the multitude of swarming, caffeinated creatures, embodied with special sale radar and nudging elbows suck me into their hive of madness.
Buy 1 and get 1 at 110% off!! Huh…? Swarm, buzz…
The head-wrapped kiosk man with Omar Sharif eyes is demonstrating an amazing flying toy, acrobatically diving and swooping. Omar zeroes in on me since I foolishly looked over at him.
“No, no thanks,“ I reply. He’s swooping the toy back and forth. “Okay, only if it can fly me up and away from here!” “You crazy lady, go away--no come back.” Another Seinfeld moment. My Kodak moments are getting slimmer and slimmer...
I’m trying to find a wedge of space to see what’s on a sale rack of clothes. Ladies with vulture sized handbags are flinging and shoving coat hangers of polyester and silk… I’m suddenly thinking of a nice hot cup of vanilla caramel tea within the comfort of my four walls.
I slink and dodge the invading masses of female flesh navigating down the aisles, some of whom are wearing athletic shoes;others are perched precariously in stilettos. I find the exit door, and finally, my car.
Home never looked so good as I seat myself at the computer, sipping my tea. Online shopping is great: I find some used, almost new books on Amazon for a penny.
I continue to weave my way through the World Wide Web, until I hit the Black Widow of Cyberspace: the servers are down--please try again later.