Friday, February 5, 2010

Pardon me, Sir, But Your....

Excuse me, but your 'apostrophe' is showing.
Oops! How do you confront someone who glaringly, has
something undone--like a crucial button or zipper--
or has a pair of windows-to-the-world shorts on?

Recently I was walking into my favorite bookstore
café in Naples and was suddenly confronted by an
unfortunate display of manly 'goods'…who doesn’t like
hanging out in a cozy café…?

Now, I have nothing against the 'boys' and their
sidekick. They’re perfectly fine if they’re well
behaved--but they have their place--and should
stay there, not wandering around for some fresh air…

If Chief Spread-Eagle had been Fabio or Denzel
I wouldn’t have minded too much--for a little while.
Anyway, the café was beginning to buzz a bit as a couple
more people walked in and took notice of the 'sideshow'.

I suggested to my two bookstore friends, that one of
them should nudge the hulking
man awake, and tell
him to close his gap
Nothing doing. Big chickens..

By now, the female employees were very aware
of the predicament, but were hesitant to approach,
the man, hoping that he might wake up soon.

The sleeping exhibitionist finally was aroused from
his nap, after one of my friends tossed a napkin ball
at the man’s chest, hoping to wake him.

He looked over at my friends, and my friend
down past the man's equator…
After a few adjustments, the spectacle was over.
He hasn’t been seen since…


Colin said...

*howls with laughter...* umm... isn't "shriveled masses" an oxymoron? Take the beef off of that label, and the "moron" part sticks...

This story has helped your posts reach new "heights" and should be at the "pinnacle" of your readers' conversations. I am a FIRM believer in the importance of closing all trap doors and far be it for me to allow any flies out on the loose...

Wait... when do we get to the "meaty" part of the story??? Oh... that last question was definitely the wurst...

Guess I am going to have to write about the missed opportunity for a "baseball lunch." (reference is too crude to print.)

I wonder what he was dreaming about... perhaps in his dream, he was a Buddhist Monk, ordering from a hotdog stand "Make me One with Everything..."

GutsyWriter said...

I laughed as it took me a while to get where the story was going. I saw a young woman interview Adam Lambert on YouTube and her leather pants ripped at the crotch. She opened her legs, but they had it covered in a haze on the video.

Wolf said...


Your story reminds me of this little office anecdote: When our boss came to work one morning, his pants were open. The receptionist tried tell him as delicately as she know how and told him, that he had forgotten to close his ‘garage door’. Somewhat irritated, her boss went to his office, knowing that he had closed the garage this morning. A while later, he realized what she had tried to tell him earlier. On his way to lunch, he stopped at her desk and asked: "Through the open garage door, did you see a Hummer parked in there?" "No" responded the receptionist, "All I saw was an old Mini with two flat tires."