Hang Time...

With cell in hand, I enter the number.
Press 1 for English.
There’s something wrong with that.

The voice lists the menu options: longer than Pinocchio’s nose.
I try to remember what options 2,3, and 4 were.
I’m sorry, but all customer service representatives are busy.
The average wait time is 8 minutes. Please hold...
Hmmmm.

Let’s see…in 8 minutes, I can pour another cup of tea,
polish my nails, knock down spider-sack webs from the
pool enclosure, or go online to order Poisonous Snake insurance.
No, not really, though it’s not a bad idea…

Hanging up after 7.5 minutes of listening to bellowing
recorded music that rivaled the mating call of a wild yak,
I decided that I just saved myself $15.00.

Making the rounds around the pool deck to my padded
chaise lounge, I suddenly feel something crawling along my arm.

Looking down, I see a medium-sized black spider, dangling
from a web, orbs glaring at me, its spindly legs dancing along my arm.
Yikes! I whack it off with a paperback book, then step on it.

Maybe I should opt for poisonous spider insurance…

Slithering Creepers...

“There’s a spider in the bathroom,” Tom yelled from
the back of the house.
“Get rid of it,” I said, entering the room.
Spiders in Florida can be anything from a docile
daddy-long-legs to a wolf spider or tarantula.
Since Tom was brushing his teeth, I grabbed a Kleenex and
gently picked up the harmless spider, its body no larger than a pea.

In our home, I’m The Obliterator. I’ve had plenty of previous
experience in our former home in California, killing things.
The biggie for me was a rat [I think] that had invaded our home
from the garage. We lived on a hillside, so critters
would sometimes find their way into the house.

Its evidence was of course, droppings, but also, long claw rips
in my clothing. The rat must have trapezed across the rack of
clothing--it had laid a series of Jack The Ripper scars along the
fabric of several of my jackets and blouses.
His adventuring was short-lived.

It’s funny how a spider elicits a “kill” response, yet if
a deadly and venomous snake is found in the garage or
yard, like the recent juvenile Eastern Diamondback,
the response from the men in my family is ”Don’t kill it!”
The snake had a definite attitude, but it was removed with a broom.

The juvenile Eastern Diamondback found a week ago in
the garage, may have been the same one that was found dead in
the gutter a few days ago. Someone had whacked it .
There’s probably many more juvenile snakes from that snake’s
family which are waiting to slither onto our property.

I’ve been told for every quarter acre in our community,
there are at least 200 coral snakes.
I killed my first, and I hope last, coral snake almost a year ago.
As long as there's a reptile or arachnid that has the potential
for a deadly attack, I won't bat an eyelash killing it.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider...?

As a kid I used to be deathly afraid of spiders.
I'd find them suspended above my bed, just over my pillow.
Daddy-Long-Legs with their long, thready legs, gave me chills and nightmares.

My brother, Michael, and I would go on a spider hunt, flashlight in hand.
Evenings were the best time.
Black Widow Spiders dotted the concrete wall along the sidewalk by our house.
Michael captured them, dumping them into a glass jar.
Thinking back on our spider escapades, I'm surprised that
Michael came away--ALIVE.

Today, I live in a subtropical climate.
Everything thrives here.
Bugs are super-sized--and that includes spiders.
Hanging dead center from a huge web draped across the Royal Palm tree out front was a Trap Door Spider.
It was the Biggest, the Blackest and Scariest spider I'd seen yet.
Right out of a Stephen King novel!

Fangs, fur...orbs as big as marbles.
I stood there, transfixed, fear settling in my spine.
My childhood chills had come back.
Grabbing a broom, I broke the web.
'Trappie' dropped down, dangling...
I flung it out to the street.
I haven't seen one since.

Wolf Spiders are just as fearsome.
Recently, one was sitting on the edge of the pool.
Big as a golf ball, and very hairy.
I pool-netted him, and sent him flying into the woods.

Bugs Beware...Approach--if you dare!