The Ant-inator

Ants, the size of Sherman tanks, invaded
the lanai over the weekend.
Tom and I foot stomped at least 100 or more.
They're indestructible.

No sooner would I squish them, that
they'd pull an Arnold, suddenly reconfiguring
their twisted bodies.
I couldn't even get Cruiser, our tortilla chip-eating
resident duck, interested in picking them off.

The recent deluge unearthed the huge beasts.
They were circling the pool in droves; some were
diving into the water.
All that was missing were their floats and snorkels.

I hosed them off through the lanai doors,
then used some ant spray.
Impervious to that, the armor proof
ant squad regrouped and skittered defiantly
along the cage perimeter.
I expected to hear bugles blowing...march on!

Short of using something volatile like
a flame-thrower, I sprayed them once more .
I could've been spritzing them with
Tommy Bahama, all the good it did...

Then, seconds later, dizzy and awkward,
they fell, legs up...
looked like the conga line after a wild night
at Sloppy Joe's.

What a way to spend my summer...

Going Once...

I'm after ants, again.
Not your typical black ant, but swirly ants,

better known as sugar or crazy ants.

They're nearly microscopic.

And nuts!

They swirl around like Whirling Dervishes.

Jen made the mistake of leaving a half-finished

soda can in her car. The next day, I think every

crazy ant in Naples was feasting on Coke.

Daisy, our lovebird, enjoys a tropical seed mix.

She's kept in the lanai during the day.

By evening, much of her seed has scattered

from her cage to the decking.

Daisy is an enthusiastic eater.

The seed attracts scores of crazies.

It's an ongoing battle.

There doesn't seem to be an insect or reptile

alive willing to help me eliminate the ant problem.

The lizards are bug-specific.

So are the tree frogs.

Not interested.

These ants are indeed crazy.

They're even attracted to dried glue--dried anything.

They've strayed into my old pc a few times.

What on earth could they possibly find in there?

Yes, I think ants were put on earth to drive us crazy.

Too bad some research program can't use them.

How about the Space Program ?

Maybe the ants could be put in orbit.

What about Cyberspace?

Maybe I can sell the ants on Ebay...

*No new Blog on Monday.

To Nancy's House We Go...

Hot afternoons in Florida bring on not only intense heat but also roving cavalries of insects. They must be armor-plated, since no bug treatment seems to phase them.
Ants, in particular. Fire and black ants.
They have hides like Kevlar.

They're very good at social networking.
The leader has an excellent command strategy.
He maintains a covey of dedicated followers hard at work burrowing and heaving the earth.
Armed with a bag of ant pellets, I sprinkle on more than I should over the billowing mounds, watering, as directed.
Promises a dead mound in 24 hours..

Needless to say, I'm back outside the following day and find that the Ant Commander has evaded death by strategically issuing his troops underground in a SE direction another 2 feet.

I surrender to the army of ants, and go inside to put on my swimsuit.
My son 's left the chaise outside on the grass, so barefooted, I go back outside.
As I'm carrying the chaise through the lanai screen door, I step on a new mound.
Legions of black ants are scurrying between my toes and up my calves.

Yelping, I swat them off. My feet are burning and intensely itchy.
I know the ants have drilled and spit a special anti-human potion into my body.
I also know that the effectiveness of their bites will last more than 24 hours..
say more like 2 months.
Yes, the ants have won again.