*Avoid laughing or sneezing too hard
*Avoid ice rinks during hot flashes.
*Double-dipped ice cream means it’s on your second chin.
*Orthopedic problems means you can’t find your orthopedic shoes.
*You know you’re older when your boobs become air-flotation devices.
*You know you’re getting older when you buy cellophaned packs of cotton underwear.
*The most excitement to cause a sweat is moving the furniture around.
*When barbecuing meant grilling meat and not your husband.
*Going for a ride means slipping on a wet floor.
*Losing it means taking a pair of boxers to a store to see if you can still find the same style. Only Omar the Tent Maker knows where to get them.
*Eating bread pudding because you lost your upper set of dentures on vacation.
*When romance novels start curling at the edges.
*You’re getting older when you play thermostat tag with your husband.
*You’re getting older when your mail includes brochures from funeral parlors.
*You’re getting older when the “miracle creams” refuse to work any more.
*Your idea of staying up is making it to 9:30.
*When you try tuning in to a program that’s been canceled for the last 5 years.
*You acquire a taste for Godiva chocolates and looser clothes.
*When people start referring to you as “sir”.
*When you do housework in the nude and you accidentally vacuum a boob.
*When you mistake drooling for a middle of the night passionate kiss.
*When you’re pantyhose only reaches your kneecaps.
*When your moods swing more than you.
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