Thursday, July 9, 2009

On The Road to 100...

*Avoid laughing or sneezing too hard

*Avoid ice rinks during hot flashes.

*Double-dipped ice cream means it’s on your second chin.

*Orthopedic problems means you can’t find your orthopedic shoes.

*You know you’re older when your boobs become air-flotation devices.

*You know you’re getting older when you buy cellophaned packs of cotton underwear.

*The most excitement to cause a sweat is moving the furniture around.

*When barbecuing meant grilling meat and not your husband.

*Going for a ride means slipping on a wet floor.

*Losing it means taking a pair of boxers to a store to see if you can still find the same style. Only Omar the Tent Maker knows where to get them.

*Eating bread pudding because you lost your upper set of dentures on vacation.

*When romance novels start curling at the edges.

*You’re getting older when you play thermostat tag with your husband.

*You’re getting older when your mail includes brochures from funeral parlors.

*You’re getting older when the “miracle creams” refuse to work any more.

*Your idea of staying up is making it to 9:30.

*When you try tuning in to a program that’s been canceled for the last 5 years.

*You acquire a taste for Godiva chocolates and looser clothes.

*When people start referring to you as “sir”.

*When you do housework in the nude and you accidentally vacuum a boob.

*When you mistake drooling for a middle of the night passionate kiss.

*When you’re pantyhose only reaches your kneecaps.

*When your moods swing more than you.

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