Roasted What?

I’m still trying to figure out what to make
for Christmas dinner.
I’ve been driving around scouting out the
roadways, but there’s nothing worth picking up.
Must have been a big sweep lately on
raccoons, possums, and squirrels…

People living in the ‘glades aren’t close
to any supermarkets.
I’ve seen men pull their jacked up trucks
over to the roadside, pick up and toss
the unfortunate critter onto the truck bed.
I think the wildlife are getting smarter:
Keeping deep in the cypress swamp lands.

Recently I witnessed an egret cross an
intersection on the green light, taking his time,
then scooted into the landscaping near my
frequented bookstore.

So now, scattered on the sofa, are several
Holiday magazines with tantalizing dishes like
Pecan Pork Loin, Roasted Orange-Glazed Game Hens.
Hmmm…
I sense the piggies are starting to bolt…

Buzz It...

I see nothing but horrible comb-overs.
Men take the thinnest, stringiest bits of hair
and lop it to the other side of their skull.

The part is falling off the side of their head.
I won't even mention bad, ill-conceived hair-pieces.
Looks like something died up there...
It's the most unnecessary, last-ditch effort to
preserve the appearance of having hair.

Remember GLH,the powdery spray-on
one could use to disguise a thinning scalp?
Hair in a can.
The consistency was weird--
looked like colored, vinyl-like sawdust .

Get rid of the comb-overs with a
close haircut--bald is in, too.
Gals like the chrome-dome look.
Yul Brynner was handsome and hairless.

If you're losing
it don't despair...
just cut it off
and look debonair...

Give Me A Home...

Years ago we went to Yellowstone National Park.
The kids were pretty young.
I dragged along an aluminum photography case,
a Tenba backpack and a tripod.

In the case was a RB-67, a medium-format camera
and 3 lenses. The equipment weighed a ton.
Tom wanted me to leave it at home.
Why carry all that stuff around?

Yellowstone was a real photographer's paradise.
The scenery was awe-inspiring.
I set up my camera at every landscape opportunity.
Herds of buffalo roamed freely. Tourists were standing
next to the them.

Later, after several hours, we headed out of the park.
In the middle of the road we encountered several buffalo.
We waited for a long time, hoping the animals would
move along. Tom thought it was cool, and kept his driver
side window down.

The granddaddy of all buffaloes suddenly appeared
outside the driver's door.
He had his dripping snout poking part way through
the open window.
His eyes were glassy and steam swirled from his nostrils.

By then, I was smacking Tom to get the window up, quick!
The kids were on the floor of the back seat, screaming.
I was shrieking.

Tom pushed the window button and the buffalo budged
a little from the window, as the window went up.
He fumed a plume of bad buffalo breath, and walked off.
That was a little too close to nature for me
One thing may have been missing from my case--
a blow gun...

Camp-Free Zone

We’ve never been camping. Not once.
Tom is the kind of guy
who loves nature and the outdoors.
Me, too.

He’s talked about camping in the Sierras
and in northern Cal.
The reality of spending money on camping equipment,
packing the stuff and setting it up, then repacking
it all changed his thoughts.

The idea of a hot shower and a comfortable bed
is more appealing and a hard notion to give up
in favor of camping.
If you’re really in the boonies there won’t be a
store around for miles.

Seasoned campers know the ropes.
They know how to make a great campfire.
The aroma of hot dogs and beans, or the catch
of the day, drifting through the night air sounds
mouthwatering-- if you ate hot dogs and beans
and lake trout.

Tom likes hummus, kale salads with organic soy
and black beans; plain yogurt, cans of Alaskan
wild caught salmon, pumpernickel bread, almonds,
and hard-boiled eggs; Uncle Sam and Kashi GoLean
cereals, bananas, and California navel oranges.
It’s pretty apparent camp cooking wouldn’t be much
on the ‘to do’ list.

There’s also the prospect of bears sniffing around,
looking for food or a human keepsake--like one’s scalp.
Snakes and spiders could be a problem.
Come to think of it, I have wildlife and reptiles in my own
neighborhood…
Camping sounds like fun, alright.
Who’s up for a chicken stir-fry?

Lifestyles Of The Bearly Rich...

Two Thanksgivings ago, a turkey wandered into our
back yard on the edge of the preserve.
Lucky turkey. A neighbor across the street lives
near Heron Lake, which is behind his home.
He’s had Eastern Diamondback snakes
coming from the lake, making their way into his yard,
and he’s fired his rifle at them.

I’m glad that I didn’t tell him about the recent bobcat
and bear sighting in our neighborhood.
The black bear was lumbering up the main entrance
street of our community. Later that day, it was
spotted coming out of the bushes at a busy
intersection about a half-mile away.

There have been numerous bear sightings in
Collier County in the last few months.
Some of the bears seem to prefer the country
club lifestyle, since they’re often sighted around
the resorts on or near the Gulf beaches.

The bear that we’d seen was recently caught in
Naples and transported to the Picayune Preserve.
It wasn’t long before the discriminating bear was seen
in affluent Palm Beach County.

Why I Love Florida...

*Wearing shorts and sandals most of the year
*When you retire, you're already here!
*Afraid of heights? Only real elevations are the high-rises along the beaches
*Swaying palm trees
*Shells
*Sanibel Island-Captiva
*O-D on Key Lime Pie
*Geckos
*Alligators
*Manatees
*Dolphins
*Iguanas
*Perfect umbrella drinks
*Florida Keys
*Jimmy Buffett
*Margaritaville
*Celebrity-watching
*Hurricane watching
*Fishing
*White sandy beaches
*Shorebirds
*Sparkling blue waters
*International cuisine
*Big Cypress National Preserve/The Everglades
*Swamp Buggy Races
*Mullet Festivals
*Pirate-themed festivals
*Art festivals
*Bo Sox spring training site-Ft. Myers
*Florida authors,Dave Barry, Tim Dorsey, Carl Hiassen, Randy Wayne White
*Haunted Places: Tampa Theater and Don CeSar Hotel

Ashes, Ashes..

The wildfire in the Big Cypress Preserve in the Everglades continues to burn, shutting down Alligator Alley for the second consecutive day,and possibly,through to Monday. Containment is about 30%.
Tuesday morning's thunderstorm over the 'Glades triggered a lightning strike.

My first thought when hearing of this disaster was to think that someone's careless cigarette had been flipped out of a car window.
Unfortunately, that action is a common sight, and wasn't beyond the realm of possibility.

The Everglades span the entire southern half of Florida. Over a million and a half acres, with a maximum elevation of no more than ten feet above sea level, the Everglades is the largest subtropical wetland in North America. This massive watershed provides a subtropical refuge for unique wildlife and endangered species.

I've taken Loop Road 29 which draws you through a corridor of hardwood trees.
On one side, the vast prairies stretch out almost endlessly.
Great White Herons and other bird species share the saw grass marshlands with their neighbor, the alligator. It's also reported that some 30,000 Burmese python now inhabit areas of the Everglades.
On the opposite side of the loop road, Blue Night Herons, Egrets and Ibis roam the deep forest sanctuaries.

The Big Cypress Preserve has always been a favorite photographic junket of mine. There's an amazing solitude that prevails, a wonderful peace, with only the chants of wildlife breaking the silence.

When something as devastating as fire engulfs and threatens people's lives
and homes, or rages through a precious ecosystem such as the Everglades, it saddens me.