I'm in Love With You...

After 38 years of marriage I've learned
a few things, particularly ways not to make
a husband gag:

* Don't stuff yourself into a bikini meant for Twiggy.

* Don't pierce anything other than your ear lobes--
and a nice juicy steak!

* Don't wear mini-skirts if you're not a 'mini'.

* Don't wear ankle bracelets that look as though
you're under house arrest.

* Don't wear midriff shirts that float over
The Island of Flab.

* If your 'skin' doesn't 'fit' you like it did
when you were first married, ban yourself
from those drive-thrus!

* Avoid or don't over do Botox-ing and facelifting--
he didn't marry a manikin.

* Too much sun equals skin like a dromedary--
only camels belong outside that much.

* Keep a sense of humor--it can throw your
husband off-balance when he wants to start complaining...

* Don't 'show' too much--'cracks' are for sidewalks!

*Treat yourself and life like a fine wine--
let it age naturally.

To my husband, Tom: Happy Anniversary,
with many more to come.

I'll love you "'til the 12th of Never..."

Camp-Free Zone

We’ve never been camping. Not once.
Tom is the kind of guy
who loves nature and the outdoors.
Me, too.

He’s talked about camping in the Sierras
and in northern Cal.
The reality of spending money on camping equipment,
packing the stuff and setting it up, then repacking
it all changed his thoughts.

The idea of a hot shower and a comfortable bed
is more appealing and a hard notion to give up
in favor of camping.
If you’re really in the boonies there won’t be a
store around for miles.

Seasoned campers know the ropes.
They know how to make a great campfire.
The aroma of hot dogs and beans, or the catch
of the day, drifting through the night air sounds
mouthwatering-- if you ate hot dogs and beans
and lake trout.

Tom likes hummus, kale salads with organic soy
and black beans; plain yogurt, cans of Alaskan
wild caught salmon, pumpernickel bread, almonds,
and hard-boiled eggs; Uncle Sam and Kashi GoLean
cereals, bananas, and California navel oranges.
It’s pretty apparent camp cooking wouldn’t be much
on the ‘to do’ list.

There’s also the prospect of bears sniffing around,
looking for food or a human keepsake--like one’s scalp.
Snakes and spiders could be a problem.
Come to think of it, I have wildlife and reptiles in my own
neighborhood…
Camping sounds like fun, alright.
Who’s up for a chicken stir-fry?

Half-Steam Ahead

*6:10--Wake up, thank God... stretch, groan...
and wonder why I get up so dang early every morning.

*7:00--Brew coffee. It's a new flavor called
La Brea Tar Pits.. what eventually killed the dinosaurs!.

*7:40--Wonder why I haven't perked up
from the percolator...
my stomach sounds like the water works, however.

*7:50--Get on the computer. Look at the blank screen.
Try to dig something funny from my tired, locked
down brain. Should I tackle bug invasion...again?

*8:30--Voila! Edit my draft blog, upload a picture,
save and publish the blog.

*8:45--Do some internet research.
See an interesting site and unleash a viral nest
of trojan downloaders. Norton kicks in immediately.
Virus scanning.

*9:30--Head for Books-A-Million bookstore [BAM].

*9:50--Blog some more on my AlphaSmart 3000
word processor. Best thing I ever bought...
gets people wondering what the heck it is! *11:15--Go home, check out the inviting pool which
has invited small, beetle-like bugs, no larger than
an ant, to a pool party.
How they get through the pool enclosure netting
is beyond me. These winged bugs cluster in pods
of 20 or more.
Hmmm...Invasion of the Body
Snatchers comes to mind...

*12:15--Skim the pool and take a dip.
Maybe I can sell the bugs under miscellaneous
weird stuff on Ebay...

*12:30--Cruiser, our resident duck, shows up.
Give him water, but he's on a tortilla chip ban.
He snorts a few times, then leaves.

*1:00--Think about having some lunch.
Eat some of Cruiser's unsalted tortilla chips
with cottage cheese, raw unsalted peanuts and fruit.
Take vitamins.

*2:00--Watch recording of A M C.
Pine Valley is one dang-interesting place!
Zack is some hunk...

*3:00-start yawning...thinking about what to
have for dinner.

*3:15--Sleep on it...

*5:00--play Some Enchanted Evening by Art Garfunkel while preparing dinner. So romantic...

*6:30--Just in time for Seinfeld.

*8:00-- Get some ideas tapped out for tomorrow's blog.

*10:00--Curtains... Tha-a-at's All Folks...!

Humming Along...

I'm always curious about what people
have to talk about all the time on their cell phones.
Everywhere you look, people are plugged
into animated conversations.

Following behind me today was a monstrous
midnight black Hummer.
It looked like it was on steroids, or ran
on something other than gasoline.

It towered behind my timid Camry like Godzilla.
I thought at any moment I'd be swallowed up.
The young lady driving was petite--her head
was barely visible behind the wheel.
I was thinking, this gal needs a booster seat, or
a baby bottle.

Her phone was firmly attached to her ear,
and she seemed totally captivated by the conversation.
Maybe there's a shoe sale at Nordstrom...
Her hand gesturing led me to
think how is she driving that thing?

The Black Shadow maneuvered in and out of lanes
of traffic with ease, but much to the unease
of other drivers. This is senior citizen territory.
I figured she was going 60 in a 45 zone.

She zoomed through the tail end of a yellow light,
and then the familiar wail of a state trooper caught
up with her.
Despite her ticket, the trooper was cute.