What's For Dinner...?

While I was cooking dinner one evening,
I flipped on the television program featuring
Andrew Zimmern, the bald-headed guy who
travels the far corners of the
world sampling exotic fare.

He’d just opened his mouth to a forkful of
some steaming dish which included disgusting
post-wiggling insects, better left on garbage.

A few minutes later, he spooned up a kind
of stew with round meatballs--not the kind
I’m used to serving up with spaghetti.

Another dish he devoured so enthusiastically
resembled a head of cauliflower...ugh.
As he traveled on through the city, he came
across a street vendor offering a plate of
skewered scorpions, from which he took one
and so spiritedly crunched, grinning broadly.

As my stomach tried to settle back to normal,
I finished up in the kitchen and brought dinner
to the table--a very all-American dish of teriyaki,
orange-glazed salmon, rice and steamed veggies.

Since Jen has moved back home, I’ve
been creating menus--nothing fancy, just good,
wholesomely nutritious food.
Having been a Key West gal for the last 6 months,
she's gotten used to scallops and fresh lobster.

Cooking mainly for Paul and myself for
quite awhile, our dinners were often just salads
and veggies, tilapia, or my famous pizza:
Baby Ray's Original BBQ sauce, skim mozzarella,
cubed grilled chicken, pineapple tidbits,
all topped with chopped cilantro.

Just yesterday, out in the garage, Paul yelled
"Mom,come out and see this gigantic bug crawling around."
It sported a huge, beetle-like shell with front extended
pincers and four long legs.

Either Halloween is coming earlier this month,
or this indescribably scary insect fell out of that
television show I’d been watching.

It looked at me with its multiple orbs.
Hmmm…might be interesting roasted and dipped in a
mango and honey-dijon sauce...

Food A Salt...

I’ve been making a noble attempt at checking
food labels before I buy anything.
Paul and Tom are also careful about what they eat.
They have cut way down on things they used to have
more often, like deli meat sandwiches.
Sodium is the big decision breaker--and the first
thing I look at on a food label.

Why is there so much sodium in food?
The shelf life must be 100 years…
If salt could prolong human longevity, by now,
I figure I 've got a good shot at living until I’m 300.

Soup always tips the sodium scale.
I ‘X’ it off my list.
Occasionally, a TV dinner comes in handy, but TV
dinners are loaded with sodium--even those which
are supposedly healthier for you.
One dinner had 2300 mg.-- good grief,
can you imagine the size of the salt shakers?
Some little lady at the food company must use a
hose to spray all the salt on the dinners…


Grocery shopping takes me longer, but I figure
I’m saving quite a bit since my cart is mostly empty
except for salad fixings, Tilapia, fruit, soymilk,
unsalted butter, fruit juice jam and unsalted sprouted
wheat bread; also, trans-fat free Voortman dark chocolate
chip cookies, Shredded Wheat and Uncle Sam cereals.

Sounds like an exciting cart round up.
As I wait in the Express line, there’s a bulging
cart that’s been allowed, waiting in front of me.
Everything known in the artificial food world is in that cart.
By the time I reach the cashier, she smiles and says,
” You and your husband don’t buy much…”
I’m thinking, thank God…

Banzai!

I never wanted any help in the kitchen,
though sometimes I’d have Jen help me out.
If help’s in the kitchen, it usually means
more of a mess--
I figured why add to the kitchen cleanup?

Everyone has their own rhythm and methods
of doing things. I clean up immediately after each prep.
Jen would cut up the veggies and cube the chicken.
We liked making Asian-inspired recipes.
I really appreciated her help, even though it sometimes
looked like a Benihana chef had gone berserk…

Jen now understands where I was coming from
when I’d often tell her “No thanks, honey--I can do it…”
She’s a great cook and enjoys her kitchen and cooking solo.
Her fella, Vince, from what I hear, rocks in the kitchen, too.
Jen’s motto is:
Food go in pot, not on floor…

A Lobster By Any Other Name...

Lobsters.
Mm mm...butter-dipped, succulent warm meat.
When we first moved here to Naples in 2002,
Jen wanted to celebrate our first night by taking
the four of us to a restaurant, which I won't name.

The advertised special was a 1# lobster for 16.00.
We ordered 4. When the plates arrived, we each
looked at the anorexic lobsters sitting on our
huge white plates--kind of like an island with
only one palm tree...
I was thinking, where is it?

I'd never seen a smaller tail in all of my lobster days--
which amounts to three over my lifetime.
I'd seen bigger tails on shrimp.

I wasn't sure how to attack it.
I wasn't even sure if it wasn't just a faux lobster--
one in disguise, or only the skeleton of one-- minus the meat.

We were all so hungry, so I prodded and picked,
and saw some disgusting green and gray muck that
looked like it came from a space creature's guts.
How would I know that...?

We all managed to get no more than a 1/4
cup's worth. Jen was disappointed, but her
intentions were sweet.
I haven't had a lobster since.

Jen's been in town, from Key West.
She and Paul went fishing for a few days in Stuart.
Her fella, Vince, has a bucket of lobsters from lobstering
in the Keys.
The lobsters are calling, so Jen's heading back
to K W this afternoon.

I'm suddenly having visions of warm, sweet,
butter-dripping meat...

It's To Die For...

I have 2-for-1 quarts of devilishly delicious sugar
free ice cream in my freezer.
I usually don't buy ice cream, or sweets, for that matter.
Paul gives me the evil eye when I open the freezer door.
“Shame on you, Mom--don’t eat that stuff.”
He’s pinching an ever-so-slight bit of my waistline.

Doesn’t that make you want to eat it even more,
with long, enjoyable mouth-watering and melting bitefuls?
it's yummy junk food and tastes good when it's
been so hot.

Paul is right, though. He's lean, tall and muscular,
and thoughtful about what he eats.
Paul goes for raw organic and salt-free peanuts and
sunflower seeds, along with raisins.

You’ll find few goodies in my kitchen cabinets--
that’s because I hide them in my bedroom closet--ha!
I love candy fruit slices. You know the ones with
sprinkled sugar on them? They’re fat free, so that
lamely justifies an occasional indulgence.

Tom’s idea of a snack is pumpernickel bread
with a spread of plain hummus or plain yogurt.
He hasn’t seen a lick of sugar in eons.
Maybe a microscopic amount…
He has great resistance and fortitude when it comes
to his diet.

I figure I had to watch what I ate and drank for
9 months, twice.
I know-- that was back in prehistoric times--
but I’m making up for it now.
Heh-heh...

Not Only Mosquitoes, But...

Other minor irritating things:

*Tall movie-goers or people with big hair sitting in front of
me at the movies, after coming in late.

*Bubble gum smackers and snappers.

*Beverages, mostly coffee that's been purposely emptied on the sidewalk.

*Drivers who cut me off in traffic.

*Drivers who take up two or more parking spaces.

*People with way over 10 items in the Express Checkout.

*People who hold the place in line for more than 1 person.

*People who dump their exotic pets in the Everglades...Big problem.

*Talkers who don't let me get a word in edge-wise.

*Sneezers and coughers who don't cover their mouth.

*Those long-winded Christmas letters from people you hardly see.

*DVD's that quit with only 30 minutes left.

*Comb-overs.

*Drivers yakking on cell phones, while balancing food in their laps.

*Chips in bags that 's mostly air.

*Rebates that never arrive.



*

In One Ear...

Things to Avoid:


*Ultra-discount motels--
unless you want to start your own flea circus.

*Sushi that comes with a side of de-wormer.

*Corn-on-the-cob on a first date.

*Bar-be-cued ribs on the second date.

*Egyptian cotton sheets.
I never found Omar Sharif in the package.

*600-count thread sheets.
The sheets were so tight, I couldn't get out
of bed for days.

*Anything that has the word 'miracle' or
'revolutionary' in its advertising.

*Anything that promises it will take the
drudge out of housework.

*Anything that self-inflates.
My air-bra blew up the other day.

*Products that promise a more noticeable
improvement in 4 weeks.
Sure--if you're 30!

*Believing the 'Before' and 'After' photographs.
Ever see the difference in lighting?

*Buying a used car at night--in a
deserted, unlit parking lot.

*A tour bus--if the driver has a string
of link sausages and a 6-pack in his lap.

*Fortune cookies whose fortunes say
"Better luck next time...'

That's Life..

*feet hanging out of car windows
*being invisible:the clerk takes the person behind you
*taking the road less taken and there's no cell coverage
*finding a lounging alligator on the road ahead of you
*coffee that's been dumped on the pavement
*people who leave a shopping cart behind your car or in the parking space
*'diva' pet stores
*pets wearing diamond-studded pet collars
*people who let a sneeze or cough 'fly'
*smile wrinkles that look like excavation sites
*people who publicly embarrass one another
*European bathing suits--the skin variety
*cigarette butts littering the beach
*lit cigarettes tossed out the car window
*people talking during a movie
*overdone face lifts
*6-year life CFL's that blow after a month's time.
*animal walkers who don't scoop the poop
*store clerks who welcome women with "Hi, Guys!"
*people who openly criticize my daughter's slim figure
*funeral preparation brochures addressed to me
*people who don't really listen when your speaking to them
*drivers on cell phones
*washing the car on a day it decides to rain
*double-charged for an item
*people abusing handicapped parking

Green Thumb 101...

The availability of tropical fruit is delicious: mangoes, starfruit, papayas.
Florida oranges and grapefruit are bountiful.
Many Floridians are successful at growing these delicious fruits.
My neighbor, Jim, has an abundant grapefruit tree.
One neighbor grows bananas and oranges.
I've never had a green thumb—only a hammered black and blue one.

I went to the nursery and bought an orange tree. It looked healthy with blossoms and buds, promising a nice crop of oranges.
It smelled divine.
I loosened it from the huge bucket that encapsulated the tree, dug a pretty decent hole, adding nutrients to the soil.
As the weeks went by, the tree began withering and dropping it's leaves.
I'd watered it and fed it—what more could I do?
My neighbor's fruit tree weathered Hurricane Wilma, and mine up and died on me without provocation or neglect.

Not one to give up, I went back to the nursery and was captivated by the fragrance of the beautiful Asian Lilies and orchids.
I bought one of each.
The lilies looked great in the garden.
The orchid had a protected and humid location in the house.

Need I say more? Despite all the TLC I gave the flowers, both were definitely DOA in two weeks time.
I give up!

As I cruise down the produce aisle, I pick up my favorite Cali oranges[the best, sorry Florida], and some mangoes and papayas that I'm using as salsa for coconut shrimp.
Seven dollars of delicious, juicy fruit...Yum!