In One Ear...

Things to Avoid:


*Ultra-discount motels--
unless you want to start your own flea circus.

*Sushi that comes with a side of de-wormer.

*Corn-on-the-cob on a first date.

*Bar-be-cued ribs on the second date.

*Egyptian cotton sheets.
I never found Omar Sharif in the package.

*600-count thread sheets.
The sheets were so tight, I couldn't get out
of bed for days.

*Anything that has the word 'miracle' or
'revolutionary' in its advertising.

*Anything that promises it will take the
drudge out of housework.

*Anything that self-inflates.
My air-bra blew up the other day.

*Products that promise a more noticeable
improvement in 4 weeks.
Sure--if you're 30!

*Believing the 'Before' and 'After' photographs.
Ever see the difference in lighting?

*Buying a used car at night--in a
deserted, unlit parking lot.

*A tour bus--if the driver has a string
of link sausages and a 6-pack in his lap.

*Fortune cookies whose fortunes say
"Better luck next time...'